Stoic for a Day

Coby Petricone-Berg

I admit I was skeptical at first when our class began studying Stoicism. What I didn’t expect, however, was how many applications of the philosophy I would find in all parts of my life, be it personal, musical, or professional. I was also surprised to find that most of the lessons taught by Stoicism I have already received from musical mentors or older musicians in general, concerning etiquette and becoming successful. For me, this cements the relationship between a life in the performing arts and Stoic philosophy, how much this applies to the path my classmates and I are on.

I began my Stoic day with a morning meditation, as per the article ‘How to Be a Stoic,’ laying in the top bunk of my dormitory bed and thinking of the day ahead. I thought of the things coming up this week that I would need to prepare for, as well as the personal musical goals I want to complete that have been looming in the back of my head for some time, as well as exactly what I need to do day-to-day to get them. Mostly, I reflected about the dichotomy of control, how self-improvement is the true goal and reward of hard-work and practice, with any accompanying external success merely an added bonus.

As I made my way down to the dining I thought of how a Stoic would break their fast. Would they eat meat? I thought that perhaps they wouldn’t, and in alignment with the Stoic virtue of temperance, I sat down and ate a modest breakfast of fruit and a bagel. As with every meal I ate in the school cafeteria, I tried to use as little plastic as possible in order to limit my environmental impact. Sadly, they make it impossible to go plastic-free completely, but I found comfort in the fact that I was doing my part.

Later in the day, I found myself on the train with my girlfriend, on our way downtown to see the holiday shops in Union Square, as well as go shopping at some thrift stores at a friend’s recommendation. Our first train ride was enormously pleasant, however, shortly after we transferred to a different train, it came rumbling to an abrupt stop, leaving us relatively trapped in the darkness of the tunnel. To make matters worse, the car was packed extremely tight with people, with barely enough room to breathe. As soon as this happened, I could feel my companion immediately tense up and get upset at the train’s lack of movement. I looked around and saw the looks on the faces of the people around me darken as the stop drew longer and seconds turned into minutes.

Feeling myself starting to mirror the emotions of the people around me, I struggled to muffle the complaints impatiently waiting on the tip of my tongue. I paused, took a breath, and tried to appraise the situation accurately and dispassionately. After a second look, while I was indeed stuck in a cramped subway car, I was with someone whose company I enjoy immensely. I also steeled myself with the knowledge that while I was uncomfortable for the moment, it’s unlikely that the hold-over would last more than a few minutes. Undoubtedly, there are worse situations to be in.

My outlook and mood immediately improved, and I actually started enjoying what I could about the circumstance. Within moments, the train started up again, we got to where we were going, and had a lovely afternoon. I could have given in to the mob mentality of raging uselessly against something utterly out of our control, but instead, I made the best out of a frustrating situation.

Throughout the day, there were definitely times I struggled with some of the spiritual exercises we were instructed to follow, especially the ones involving social interactions like not speaking of yourself too much, or speaking without judging. During my morning meditation, I made a point to set a goal to notice how much I talked about myself during conversations with friends and fellow students. To my chagrin, I talked much more than I thought I would, and was disappointed to find that the perception I had of myself didn’t match up as much as I’d hoped with the cold truth. Speaking without judging was another exercise that I thought would be much easier during my morning meditation, turning out to be much harder than I assumed. I found that if I was speaking to a friend who started turning the conversation in a more judgmental direction, it was very difficult to not mirror that action and become judgmental myself. It takes a real strength of character as well as confidence in one’s self to stay positive in social situations, where of course it’s much easier to hop on the bandwagon of talking behind people’s backs.

At night, after I’d gotten back from shopping, I sat down to practice my instrument but I took a moment beforehand to think about how I could use Stoic ideas to use my time more efficiently. The concept of managing your first impression, or initial emotional reaction to something interested me, because I’ve definitely struggled with feelings of frustration and unhappiness at not meeting goals or not playing to a certain level while in the practice room. Beating yourself up after thinking you could have executed something better is a feeling I assume most people can relate to, and can almost feel satisfying in a perverse way. But in reality, being that emotionally invested in your own performance, especially in the practice room, does nothing but waste time, time that could have actually been spent improving. I tried to “other-ize” myself; rather, look at the situation in an objective way, like it was happening to someone else. If I knew about a close friend being as hard as I am on myself occasionally in their own practice, I would certainly tell them to relax, the fact being that you’re supposed to sound worse than you would performing in the practice room, you’re trying to turn your weaknesses into strengths. On the flipside, if you are sounding great while you’re supposed to be practicing, are you really improving? All in all, my point can be encapsulated into one statement: it’s not that deep. If at the end the day I feel like I accomplished something musically on my instrument, then that’s a win. If I feel like I sounded worse, well, then there’s always tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. Growth is the name of the game, and getting angry at myself will not make it happen faster. I know for a fact it certainly makes the process less fun.

Stoic lessons definitely have countless applications to life as a professional musician, especially when it comes down to getting calls for gigs or not getting called at all. Especially at a school like Juilliard, it is way too easy to look at the people around you getting opportunities and get stuck on whether or not you measure up. The fact of the matter is that getting called or not is widely out of your control, the only things that you can control  is how good you sound and how well you treat people (which actually matters a lot professionally). Stoicism teaches us to not lament the opportunities you don’t have, instead, advocating to treat people with kindness, to put your head down and your nose to the grindstone.

As my Stoic day drew to a close, I reflected on how my happiness, overall satisfaction, and efficiency were impacted by the spiritual exercises I followed. I definitely got more done in my practice, and I think I was more present in spending quality time with loved ones and friends alike. Although I definitely have a ways to go before I become a fully-fledged Stoic in my own right, the experience of studying it’s lessons teachings have definitely given me ways to improve my life and relationships.

Copyright © 2020 Coby Petricone-Berg